note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
