He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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