If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
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btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
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Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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