NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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