i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
