youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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