I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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