I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
