I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
