i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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