Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
