I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
