i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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