I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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