I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
