I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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