I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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