We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
