Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
