**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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