College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
