Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
