I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
whose ass print is on the piano?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
