I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
