we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
