Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
