I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
