Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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