1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm both gender and math confused
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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