A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
