no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
