this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
