Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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