dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
