we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
