there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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