how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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