I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
