He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
