i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
