HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
that may or may not have been my penis.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
