someone get that fucking seahorse.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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