Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
