how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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