can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
