I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
