Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
