Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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