I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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