Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
