i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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