Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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