when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
