yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
