He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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