he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
