she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Girls should come with a carfax report
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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