I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
