I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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