i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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