I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just invented taco cereal.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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