Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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