Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I want her autograph on my taint
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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